I Survived – You Will Too

I didn’t start this blog to become “sexy” or a symbol of perfection. I don’t need to be “life goals” for my readers – although, I’ll take that because how cool!? My purpose here is far greater than how the world perceives me. My goal is to change the way you see yourself and the world in which you exist. So, I thought it would be proper to kick off with: The Most Mortifying Experience of my Life.

Flashback several years (no matter how many exactly) and I was a bright-eyed, smart-mouthed college student with absolutely no idea what life was about — move forward to the now and the only real change is that real life has sucked the youthful ignorance out of me and replaced it with a lovable cynicism, but I digress…..

I was falling in love. The truest, deepest love I had ever encountered (this relationship eventually went out in a fiery mess of betrayal and misery, leaving me scarred and emotionally damaged for the foreseeable future, as most young love does). We were beyond the point of our first few sleepovers, yet new enough that I was still sneaking out of bed to brush my teeth before he woke up in the morning. I had slept at his apartment, sure that nothing would ever be as romantic as him spooning me in his twin-size bed while I wore his boxers. Suddenly, with no warning…….. the LOUDEST fart I have EVER had to date.

I know what you’re thinking: “come on, it can’t be that bad.” “You’re exaggerating.” “I’m sure I’ve had worse.” But please, my friends, believe me when I tell you I’d never had anything like this come out of my body before this incident, and I haven’t again since. It took me several seconds to even realize what had happened – he later told me he thought I was dead because of how long I stopped breathing. It had come out of nowhere, no stomach bubbles, no indication of what was surfacing, my own body betrayed me.

Well? What happened? How did I pull through!? I’ll forever appreciate that he graciously pretended to be asleep during my moment of horror and didn’t kick me out of the apartment. We (much) later talked about it and had a great laugh at my expense. We stayed together for 2 1/2 years of a blissfully unstable and unhealthy relationship.

So….. what did we learn here?

  1. Moments come and pass, even the most horrifyingly embarrassing moment of your life will someday be a distant memory.
  2.  Laugh at yourself. Rihanna, Brittney, and even Queen Bey herself have all had not-so-flattering moments. You’re not alone, I promise you.
  3. If a guy dumps you because you fart (like every human being every in existence) you are 100% better off without him. Go find another hunk  that isn’t so stuck up.

Remember: Laughter is the pure delight of one’s soul!

C

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